Alien Abductees on Acid

Starship, Captain Kirk, aka Dave Randall popped into the office this morning. He's a serial alien abductee. Over the years he's been whisked away to numerous stellar destinations, interfered with, impregnated and on one occasion returned to Withering Heights in the body of Michael Jackson. His Moonwalk was the hit of Christmas 1996. Dave's an acid casualty, one of the first Hippies to come to Withering at the end of the 1960's. He'd done the Chakra Foothills of the Himalayas and found himself back in England looking for somewhere to start his Socialist Food Cooperative. Unfortunately his dreams were scuppered by a habit that rendered him incapable of working. Dave's the kind of chap who can start of a sentence in an articulate and amusing manner, and then mid sentence there occurs some grammatical road crash and he's unable to finish what he so elegantly started. This morning he's in carping on about bins and Afghanistan. In that order. Once he starts whistling 'A whiter shade of pale,' you know the chemicals are winning in the battle for Dave's head. He leaves with a copy of the paper and I promise to pop round and have a cuppa with him later.

Veronica, ex Uni girlfriend constantly texting about meeting up.


Letter to Editor.


Dear Sir,

In regards to your article PIE CRUST CHRIST, the Yorkshire term for a Wimberry pie is Bilberry, not Blueberry as one of your readers quoted . It is this kind of shoddy journalism that has resulted in the demise of the printed press in England today. I for one counted sixteen typographical errors last week and at least three factual mistakes. Boy graduates with a spellchecker are no substitute for an educated sub editor.


Yours faithfully


The Reverend Ian McCracken. (Rtd.)